2NE1 PERFORM "I LOVE YOU" AT SEOUL MUSIC AWARDS / BOM LOSES HER SHOE!

 

2NE1 graced the Seoul Music Awards stage this week with their epic 2012 hit single "I Love You" The performance really wasn't any different than their comeback stages, there was still no more lines more Dara and CL still can outsing ya favez. One thing that was noticeable though, was that Bom lost her shoe / heel.

Bom was really getting into it so much that somehow she managed to lose her shoe. One shot of the camera sees her shaking it (her body) like a jello and then 2 seconds later the camera goes back to her and the poor woman hasn't gotten her left shoe no more! Flawless.

What is also noticeable is her determination. Any diva would have stopped the show to put it back on but she went on with the performance like nothing happened, hopping around and dancing along to the song and singing her lines. This is why I love KPop, they know we want a good show and they know they have to be professionals. 

Towards the end of the performance she kicks the other shoe goodbye and finishes the performance barefoot. When will your fave?

And just because I have nothing to mention about Dara, here's a picture of her while performing "I Love You" looking flawless as fuck.

These Beefcakes, A Spanish Flop & Pitbull Cover Aerosmith

Why is Pitbull so much less annoying in Spanish? Maybe it's because I don't understand when he "raps" about poppin' bottles and randomly lists cities. But this post is not about Mr Worldwide. To be honest it's a complete mystery how he ended up on the latest single from Puerto Rican duo Dyland & Lenny. They're not exactly household names. Anywhere.

Perhaps he just couldn't resist contributing to the greatest Latin pop track of 2013. I'm only being half-sarcastic. "Sin Ti" is a hot mess of epic proportions but I'm completely obsessed. The hip-hop/dance remake of Aerosmith's "Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" reminds me of those appalling techno mixes of popular songs we used to get in the '90s. Who will ever forget this triumph?

There's nothing classy or original about "Sin Ti" but it's so much fun you won't care one iota. Pitbull introduces his collaborators before making way for Dyland & Lenny, who actually sound pretty good to me. It could help that they spend most of the clip shirtless and are rather easy on the eye (see above).

And then there's the cherry on the top - Spanish dance flop legend Beatriz Luengo. I can't with this bitch. The way she pronounces "you" as "yowwww" cracks me up and why is she wearing Lady Gaga's studded bra from 2008 in the video? Lady, you're no Soraya!

Watch in awe below as this raggedy bunch destroy Aerosmith and deliver the best summer anthem you'll never hear on Australian radio.

Beyoncé Has A Top 10 Smash... In Fiji!

While your played-out faves are rushing around Tokyo and London trying to promote their flop careers, Beyoncé is effortlessly slaying the South Pacific. That sound you hear is King B adding to her wig collection. This is so random. I was switching between US and Australian iTunes and must have clicked a wrong button somewhere because I ended up in fucking Fiji. At first I just laughed because a boring song from The Hobbit is number one but then looked closer and realised that Fijians have amazing taste. Ke$ha and Icona Pop are top 5 and Bey's R&B smash is sitting pretty at number 7 (let's just ignore the presence of R. Kelly's decade old hit). Mad respect to this flawless nation! I'm so glad "Dance For You" is getting the attention it deserves... somewhere. A year later and it's still my favourite jam. Watch Bey work her wig below.

KATY TIZ PREMIERES DEBUT SINGLE "FAMOUS"

 

Katy Tiz, better known as the demo singer for Girls' Generation killer comeback single "I Got A Boy" *originally titled "Shiner on You", has unveiled her debut single "Famous" where she talks about boys wanting to eat her cooch.

In this catchy piece of pop, Tiz talks about how guys start asking random questions and by doing so, they kill the connection and she's like half singing, half talking, not really rapping so don't call that, you'll look like an ignorant bitch in the hood conventions. 

"Famous" is everyting you can expect from a pop song, simple lyrics, stuttering, lyrics about being fabulous and famous and of course, Vegas. "Only wanna fuck me cuz I'm famous" - truer words have never been spoken.

Not only does she speak of her troubles as a fierce cunt-owner, she also talks about how them boys love to take pics and post them on Twitter and then compares herself to Just Bieber, kinda, mainly just because it rhymes.

The song reminds me of something but I can't pinpoint it, it's a mixture of things, the sing-rap is an obvious rip-off of a kids riddle but I can't remember the damn fucking name. Anyway, what the song is lacking in originality, it's surpassing in fierceness. 

I'm not even famous....yet!

COMING FOR YOUR WEAVE!

SUPER TARDY TO THE PARTY - WILLAM BELLI'S "TROUBLE" MUSIC VIDEO / SONG IS A MASTERPIECE!

 

Willam is best known for being a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race, she is fabulous, she is bitchy and she is always chewing some gum, so Britney with a penis. She (we don't acknowledge that she's a he, because she's a she, get it right) released her iconic music video for "Trouble" back in November and maybe I was living under a rock and I didn't know but... this is the best thing since "...Baby One More Time"

"Trouble" is a dirty slice of house pop, it's funky, it's got some sick ass beats that'll drive you all the way to an asylum. It's also got a shit ton of sass and surprisingly it doesn't have a lot of sexual innuendo... but if you look hard enough, you can make anything a sexual innuendo.

The intro is sick, it's Willam shouting "Trouble! Trouble! Trouble!" she is warning you that there's trouble in the horizon and you didn't bring your umbrella condom. "'cause I'm trouble! on the floor, trouble! on the floor... baby turn it up and I'll give you more" that's all the chorus really offers and it may seem minimal but once you hear that beat and those autotuned vocals, child, you are gonna be dancing like you just drank four long islands and someone just offered you a lap dance.

"Wanna get with this? Gotta get it right!" 

The music video sees Willam being a fierce as fuck motherfucking bitch showing some real sexy ass poses and moves. She can do no wrong even with her five o'clock shadow making more cameos than departures, she still manages to look better and sexier than your fave. It's kinda sad that a drag queen has released a better song than most of the female pop stars in the last couple of years. 

Buy Willam's album on his official site here or on iTunes here!

I hope this song / video goes viral!

*I was super tardy, but at least I got here*

Jasmine V Is The New Madonna

I can't live this lie any longer. After years of denial, it's time to come out of the closet and admit that I am... a Jasminator. Sweet relief! You might be wondering what the fuck is going on right now, so let me give you the Cliff Notes version.

Teen goddess Jasmine Villegas - better known to hundreds of fans worldwide as Jasmine V - got her big break playing Justin Bieber's love interest in the "Baby" video and has been plugging away at her own pop career ever since. I was introduced to her musical brilliance in LA when I had to write about her stunning buzz singles for Idolator. I liked most of them but she never quite reached the same level of success as contemporaries like Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, Victoria Justice or Bridgit Mendler.

That could change because the teenager's new single is an absolute triumph. I'm basically playing "Paint A Smile" on a loop with Nicole's "Boomerang" and Ke$ha's "C'Mon". Yes, it's really that amazing. Jasmine's upbeat break-up anthem is cute as a button. The move towards electronica is inspired (her last single was an mid-tempo R&B anthem about domestic abuse - I'm not kidding) and the lyrics are relentlessly uplifting. I particularly like this nugget of wisdom: "When the world lets me down I'll paint a smile on!"

The video is fairly standard for an upcoming diva. The 19-year-old leaves her boyfriend and goes on a joyride only to stop at a service station manned by a male model. Because pumping gas is the industry most good-looking people gravitate towards. From that point on, there's some wholesome bar-dancing and a bit of emoting in a field. The clip isn't going to win any awards but it does the trick.

Prepare to be blown away by "Paint A Smile" (below). I'll save you a seat at the next Jasminator convention!

Ke$ha Really Loves Pussy - C'Mon Video Review

I must have sat down to write this review at least 10 times over the past month but it never quite happened. I think I was suffering from fan fatigue. After documenting the "Die Young" campaign from pre-leak to post-Sandy Hook fallout, I just wanted to enjoy a Ke$ha release without analysing every tiny detail. And it's been a lot of fun re-connecting with the pussy-lovin' pop icon.

"C'Mon" has proved the doomsayers wrong. After a slow start, the current soundtrack to my life is gathering momentum in Australia (and America) and looks like being another big hit. It still wouldn't have been my pick as the second single but only because it misrepresents the millennium's most underrated album. "Crazy Kids", "Gold Trans Am" or "Only Wanna Dance With You" better represent the glory of cock-pop but I asked Jesus for guidance and he has helped me come to terms with the choice.

Don't get me wrong. I love "C'Mon" and get excited every time I hear it on the radio. It's an instant cure for a bad day and makes me want to drive around robbing convenience stores. Capturing the song's breezy brilliance was always going to be a challenge but the clip does an amazing job of letting us inside K$'s weird and wonderful head.

Director Darren Craig was also responsible for the diva's controversial "Die Young" video but he takes a very different approach this time. Gone are the Satanic references and group sex. Instead we get fuzzy animal costumes and a wild party. As much as I love "Die Young", I think this clip is more authentic to Lady Dolla. Like she was playing a character last time but can finally be herself now.

There is so much to love about this video, I don't even know where to start. I love that she looks like Ellie May from the Beverly Hillbillies in the opening scene. I want to ride in the magical van with God$ha and her pussycat companion (there are a lot of cat references in this clip). I approve of her stunning fashion choices and feel like partying with magical animals is the way forward. Most of all, I want her glamorous bedroom. I would seriously never leave the house ever again!

Go and download "C'Mon" today. Pop needs Ke$ha and the song and video (below) are pretty much flaw-free.

9/10

Boomerang > The Matrix - Video Review

The world spit me out and I was spinnin' around

The Nicole Scherzinger juggernaut gathered even more momentum yesterday with the release of her game-changing "Boomerang" video. This is some next level shit but I'm going to keep it real. My initial reaction was something along the lines of - what in the "Scream & Shout" hell is this? But then I watched it a couple of dozen more times and realised that Nicky is breaking new ground with her high art, low budget masterpiece.

Before I delve into the magic of Matrix - The Musical, can I just say how much better "Boomerang" sounds in HQ? I loved the radio rip but it made the production sound a bit shoddy. Now this is the kind of pop perfection I expect from the woman who brought us "Wet"! Moving on to the video. It's rather gorgeous to look at it, don't you think? Nicole is always flawless but she really brings sexy back in a selection of stylish outfits that show off her killer curves.

In the first couple of scenes, "Boomerang" reminds me of Kylie's "Love At First Sight" with the flashes of colour juxtaposed against the black and white background. It's chic and classy and almost a bit boring but then we're thrown down the rabbit hole into a weird and wonderful world of marching Scherzi-soldiers and dubious special effects.

Actually, let me clarify. Some of the visuals are stunning - I love the scene where all the Nicoles are hanging mid-air and when they make pretty shapes. My favourite part is probably when the diva has light glowing out of her back. That is some Tron-inspired shit right there! The weirder the concept, the better the computer effects look. However, there are a couple of dodgy moments and there's no excuse for wearing a garbage bag in that neon cage.

On the whole, however, "Boomerang" is stylish and odd and utterly captivating. It's a Lady Gaga concept filmed on a Dev-sized budget but that's Nicky for you. Always aiming for the top!

Watch in awe as the most underrated girl in game snatches your fave's wig below.

9/10

Two Black Cadillacs - Video Review

When people discuss music's highest-selling divas, Carrie Underwood is often left out of the conversation. And while she can't match the receipts of Adele and Taylor, the country queen's latest album has sold 1.3 million copies in the US - and she's only just released the third single. Blown Away has outsold recent efforts by Beyoncé, Rihanna and Kelly Clarkson. So isn't it about time you explored her mega-selling country-pop opus?

And to be honest, "Two Black Cadillacs" is the perfect starting point. The dark and gloomy murder-revenge anthem represents the next step in the evolution of Carrie Underwood. She's putting the girl-next-door shit aside - at least for now - to explore themes more at home on a Lana Del Rey record. I love how well country music lends itself to telling a story and the Americon Idol winner has an absolute doozy on her hands.

In a nutshell - a wife discovers her man is cheating and teams up with his hoe mistress to kill him. Given the song's already sinister subject matter, I thought Carrie might lighten things up with a camp video but she plunges head first into her new role as a femme fatale. The clip is eerily beautiful and I love the Stephen King-inspired twist at the end. This is the kind of thing you'd expect from Katy Perry or Lady Gaga. Which is why "Two Black Cadillacs" might find an even wider audience than usual.

Watch Carrie channel her inner murderess below:

8.5/10

Nicole Returns! Jesus Weeps! Careers End!

Bless Nicole. Amid the forced quirkiness of Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift's increasingly stale girl-next-door routine, it's a breath of fresh air to welcome back an old school pop star. You know, a diva that is happy to just look pretty while singing and dancing without reinventing the wheel? The patron saint of puakenikenis is an easy target - her delusional tweets rival any parody account - but she is talented and deserves to find her own niche after all those years of Pussycat Doll hell.

"Boomerang" is a giant step in the right direction. The surprisingly '80s-inspired pop tune sounds like the bastard child of Stacey Q and Laura Branigan - it's an avalanche of (intentionally) cheesy keyboards and catchy vocal hooks. In typical Nicole style, the lyrics don't make a lot of sense (see iconic Killer Love album track "Amenjena") but trust me, you'll be singing "I'm a boomerang oh wo-oh-oh oh wo-oh-oh!" by the time the track ends.

And now the million dollar question. Is it a hit? I think Nicky has Europe in the bag. Australia could go either way (a promo visit would pretty much guarantee a high chart position) and anything could happen in States. I mean Dev had a top 20 hit there, so the standard is low. Most importantly, I'm just happy to have the Hawaiian pop princess back. Her unreleased albums are better than your fave's finest moment!

Listen to a very rough radio rip of the future number one, Grammy-winning smash below.

9/10

MY NEW FOUND LOVE FOR GANGKIZ "MAMA" / FLAWLESS ANTHEM!

Ever since I found out that CCM was adding two new bitches to T-Ara and then debuting a 9 member group *when they could just debut a 9 member group and leave T-Ara the fuck alone* I was quick to write off GangKidz *original name* but somehow today while I was looking at some random post I came across this epicness.

"Mama" sounds exactly like something T-Ara would release and maybe that's a little bit of the reason why I love it so much right now. "Mama" is not only catchy, it's also addictive and exciting.

Take the instrumental for a second, the whistle, is perfection. Just enough usage and with enough space in between to make a super killer hook, the chorus is catchy as  a motherfucker and the choreography is easy enough that anyone can get up and dance along. 

It's everything you want in a T-Ara song with new voices. 

I was very disappointed when Gangkiz didn't know how to sing live but I was surprised to find this live version and notice that my fave *the one that can't sing along to a backing track* somehow found talent and can somewhat sing along now. I also found that the girls are much more relaxed and that the "leader" gets minimal lines and thank God, I can't stand her voice.

"Mama" is everything and it's totally going on my "24/7" playlist.

INTRODUCING : JENN D "YOU KEEP GIVING ME LOVE"

 

*sexy bitch looking sexy*

Jenn D is one bad ass bitch. Her debut single didn't really do it for me but child she came back strong with her follow up, iconic new single "You Keep Giving Me Love". The song is infectious, ridiculously addicting and ridiculously generic.

And that's alright with me to be quite fucking honest.

"You Keep..." is your typical club / party anthem, it's got the synths to make you cum and the autotune to make you forget what real singing sounds like. It's flaw-less. I'm not really bashing her vocals though because they don't use that much autotune here but a joke had to be made. 

"You keep giving me love, keep giving me

You keep giving me love, keep giving me

You, you keep giving me love, keep giving me

You keep giving me love, keep giving me

whoa, oh oh oh"

Flawless chorus has flawless line repeated four flawless times. Aka, flawless bitch coming thru, tell your favez to gtfo.

If that wasn't enough, the video is everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. It's cute, it's fun, it's flirty and it's fucking sexy. I want her as my trophy wife and I'm not even rich. The whole theme for the video is also very out of sync, she wants him to give her some love at Dave & Buster's!? If that wasn't enough for you, she also serves up some serious choreography up in this bitch. She is shaking her hips and her arms like it's 1980 and she just came back from the future with some killer moves.

I'm excited for her debut album because Xenomania is supposed to be working with her and I can't wait to see what they are working on! It's gonna be epic!

INTRODUCING : LUKE POTTER : "ONE DAY" (FREE EP)

 

Coming all the way from the UK, Luke Potter (not Harry Potter's twin) is an up-and-coming artists targeting the sentimental crowds while making teenage girls jizz like they just saw a real life ken doll. In his press release for his new EP "One Day" he states that he wants to bring real emotions back to pop music and so far I think he's nailing it.

The opening and title track for the EP "One Day" is a bit of a depressing tune, it has a really catchy and repetitive chorus that kinda gets stuck in your head. It's actually not my favorite out of the three tracks because of the heavy guitar usage, I would prefer if instead they had used a piano but that's just me.

"Chance Worth Taking" is another depressing tune about a girl, it's a little more drum-my than "One Day" I actually don't like this song at all if I'm quite honest. I like the instrumental, I do, but the vocal arrangement isn't doing it for me. The delivery in the chorus is what is killing it for me "You don't see what I am saying..." it's a little pitchy. I would encourage him to go and re-do the vocals on this track because the lyrics have potential. I just think one thing has to go, either the vocal arrangement or the instrumental because right now, they are arch enemies.

The music video is really cute and you get to see him belt out his lyrics.

"Breathe In" however is a completely different story. It's definitely the stand-out track of the EP for me. It's a lot edgier than the other two tracks. The chorus is also addictive, if I took anything out of these three tracks, it would be the chorus. "Breathe in, breathe out, slow." It's quite simple, yet, quite catchy. Listen and you'll know what I'm talking about. Ironically, this uses a lot of guitar but the drums, man, it's always the drums for me. Take your bass and shove it in a stove, I'm here for the drums.

I would tell him to use piano more, especially if you're trying to do sentimental songs, or at least an electric piano, a la Sia. I think he has potential, I can tell, I just think he needs to loosen up a little bit, explore his voice more and just have fun, the lyrics are already there. You don't have to be electro to be fun.

Listen / Download "ONE DAY" for Free!

Don't think for one second I didn't notice he was cute as fuck ;)

He has a new single coming out in March called "It's Ok To Dream" - corny title, don't let me down boo, I'm actually keeping an eye out for you.

Why Beyoncé Can't Win

Beyoncé is the woman the media loves to tear down. I used to think it was just a case of tall poppy syndrome. When a person reaches a certain level of success, there's an ugly but distinctly human desire to give them a reality check. It happened to Michael Jackson, Madonna and basically anyone else worthy of icon status. But I think the Bey hate goes beyond that.

First there was the baby bump debacle. I can't think of a more disgusting thing to accuse a woman of than faking her pregnancy (particularly without proof) but that didn't stop every media outlet running with the story. It turned out to be bullshit - as evidenced by the sonogram footage in her upcoming documentary - but nobody apologised.

Then there was the "Countdown" video scandal. The director lifted a couple of dance moves from an obscure ballet and King B was dragged over the coals despite the fact that her contemporaries (Rihanna and Kelly Rowland for starters) were stealing entire video concepts with no backlash.

That takes us to the legendary diva's performance of "Star Spangled Banner" at President Obama's inauguration. It was widely praised as the best rendition of all time but then someone from the Marine band accused her of lip-syncing (a statement that was later retracted) and she became public enemy number one. There was a school shooting in America earlier today but the top story was "Beyoncé mimed the national anthem".

There is so much wrong with this situation. Why are the damn marines reaching out to entertainment reporters with gossip in the first place? Is the American military that thirsty for attention? More disturbingly, why was the source not checked before everyone started throwing accusations? I thought that was the basis of solid journalism and was drilled into my head on the first day of my degree. The person ultimately retracted their comment but the damage was done and bitches will, no doubt, be sharpening their knives for the Superbowl performance.

It's clear from the video of the inauguration that something was going on with the audio. Bey removed her earpiece half-way through and looked visibly agitated. You can also hear her breathing and see a damn vein popping on her head, so she was definitely singing live. Perhaps she was accompanied by a backing tape. I don't know and I don't care. I've seen Mariah mime. I've seen Aretha mime. Hell, Britney probably mimes when she sings her children a lullaby before tucking them into bed at night. We all know they (well, at least the first two) can sing, so I assume there was another reason for their decision to give their voice a rest. It doesn't make me think any less of them.

The question remains - why does Beysus get such a raw deal? Jealousy and racism are the obvious answers. The Queen of all genres is just a little too perfect. If Beyoncé was being smacked around by a boyfriend or popping pills, she would get the sympathy vote. Instead, she's happily married and the poster girl for female empowerment. It clearly annoys people that she's almost supernaturally talented, scarily beautiful, filthy rich and very well-connected. That's a dangerous enough combination but when you throw in the colour of her skin, people get even more uncomfortable.

Today's trial by media was a new low point for everyone involved. After slaying with this album, Bey should just go away and enjoy her perfect life. We don't deserve her.

Kween Kat Strikes Back

Kat DeLuna is an unstoppable force of nature. The Dominican deity releases a new song every second week. So does Rihanna, I hear you say - but RedOne's original muse never disappoints. So she wins.

I'm not sure if "Always On My Mind" is even on the diva's soon-to-be-released third album. It's another exotic international collaboration - this time with Romanian DJ Costi - and could be slated exclusively for lucrative Eastern European market. That would be a shame because Kat's latest smash is a bright and breezy summer jam that finds the global trendsetter in an unusually laid back mood. This is the perfect soundtrack for sipping cocktails by the pool or smuggling drugs across the Romanian countryside. The bouncy chorus is cute and I love the Spanish breakdown at the end.

Listen to Senorita DeLuna's latest triumph below and join my prayer circle to ask Jesus for more details about Viva.

Kelly Rowland Sings About Her Vagina. Yet Again. Kisses Down Low - Review

What is wrong with Kelly Rowland? Ever since "Motivation" became a well-deserved but surprise hit, she has had sex on the brain. First, there was the soft porn "Lay It On Me" video. The Destiny's Child backing vocalist then claimed she was "Down For Whatever" before raising temperatures - of perverts and sex offenders - on "Ice". Now the randy bitch is back with another ode to her insatiable vagina called "Kisses Down Low".

I hate to say it but I blame Beyoncé. She was always the sexy one in Destiny's Child. Take the iconic "Cater 2 U" video. Bey writhed around in a tiny bikini, while Ms Kelly tried and failed to rock an unflattering safari suit. It's nice that the former girl-next-door can finally embrace her inner-bombshell but enough is enough with the sleazy mid-tempo baby-makin' jams.

Having said all that, "Kisses Down Low" is a slick tune. Mike WILL Made It is one of the hottest producers in urban music right now and I love how he mixes the tempo up on Kelly's latest. The beats are hot, it sounds fresh and the lyrics will definitely get attention. Kudos to the failed actress for dropping it two weeks before King B's comeback. I'm here for Ms Rowland's shady sales tactics!

Grab some tissues and listen to "Kisses Down Low"... below.

7/10

Luciana's Annual Aus Club Smash - U B The Bass

If you played all of Luciana's dance hits back-to-back, you could keep a club jumping for days. The English-born, Australia-adopted beauty is back with yet another explosive anthem called "U B The Bass". I love everything the queen of clubs does but this is extra special because: 

1. The lyrics name-check goddess Shakira
2. Luci sings about 'body language', which reminds me of Kylie's similarly-titled best album
3. "U B The Bass" has a commercial sound, which should find a home on Australian radio

The initial response has been great. Luciana's latest floorfiller was a hit with fans on her recently-completed tour and is already sitting at #70 on iTunes with no promotion. It will probably drop a little until the track is officially serviced to clubs and radio but this is a fantastic start.

 Listen to the first truly great pop song of 2013 below.

2YOON RELEASE COUNTRY-KPOP MASTERPIECE: "24/7"

The real vocalist of 4Minute decided to step out of Hyun Ah's shadow. Initially you begin to wonder what direction they'll take. They can't be too sexy because that's Hyun Ah's thing, they can't be too electro because that's Hyun Ah's thing and they can't be too gangster cuz that's Hyuna Ah's thing so all there's left is country music.

Don't write them off just yet though because this Country-KPop fest is one to listen to and stan for.

"24/7" is a cute song about (google the translation bitches) talks about 24/7 and the girls sound really cute. The lyrics are very repetitive and cute, just like I like them. What really sells it to me though, it's the video. The video is everything. The video has a cowboy theme (very fitting) and cuteness is just served like it's a buffet and you just came back from the Sahara desert. 

"To the left, to the right, to the left, to the left, to the right" More amazing lyrics have never been written. The girls dance to the left and to the right as they sing their soon-to-be-iconic lyrics. Yoon1 (brunette) is in charge of the verses and the Yoon2 is more in charge of the chorus but don't be afraid, they sing the same amount of solo lines.

"Boom clap, boom boom boom clap!"

Seeing them dance to country music with their fierce Korean twist is heaven. The girls are really enjoying the beat and you can tell! It's really hard to choose a fave because they're both so amazing in this music video / song but Yoon2 has my vote for Chief of the World so far.

The fierce bitches already had their debut stage performance over at M Countdown and let me tell you, amazing. They performed a short version of "Why Not" which I like but not as much because, the more and more I write this blog post, the more I like Yoon2. Yoon1 is clearly the focus of this sub-unit, which is really unfortunate. Yoon2 is really amazing and yeah I get that Yoon1 probably has better vocals but Hyun Ah is more famous than them combined and multiplied by 1039553392, so we know that's not a requirement in KPop. Yoon2 for me is the cutest one of them both and the one with the most charm. Yoon1 looks like she's hungry.

Maybe it's because I already decided to name Yoon2 the Chief of the World but Yoon1 is not doing it for me during the "24/7" performance. I don't know what it is but it's just not doing it for me. Maybe it's the fact she can't keep up with the backing track or that she's running out of breath or the fact she sounds like she doesn't know the lyrics all the way through, or maybe I just love Yoon2 too much.

24/7 Stanning for Yoon2 to be quite honest and I don't even know her actual stage name. But who gives a fuck?!

Nicole Scherzinger unveils high budget 'Boomerang' promo

"Boomerang" is happening after all! Praise Jesus! The future smash was originally due to hit UK radio on January 7 but was pushed back to accomodate Ms Scherzinger's Hawaiian holiday. For a while there I feared it would end up in the same box of broken dreams that currently houses Killer Love and Her Name Is Nicole. Happily, we have a new release date - January 24 - and some era-defining publicity!

To ensure the song's success, the only relevant Pussycat Doll invested in a Sharpie and wrote a sign on a scrap of cardboard. She then took a pic of her exquisite handiwork with a mobile phone and posted it on Twitter. Could Lady Gaga? I'm so here for Nicole's new club-banger. I love the preview and the video looks incredible. Watch 15 seconds of the clip below.

THAT "THRIFT SHOP" SONG BY MACKLEMORE IS COMING FOR YOUR WEAVE, BRUNO MARS!

Ke$ha has been talking about her love for thrift shops since 2010 but no one pays attention unless there's some sick beat under it. And it's 2013 and here we have Macklemore's "Thrift Shop" song that is about to dethrone Bruno Mars' "Locked Out of..."*

"Thrift Shop" is supposed to be a rap song but for the most part I don't believe it. Macklemore is not trying to be hardcore, well he tries but doesn't try hard enough. The song is catchy as fuck though and it is a great social commentary, especially when he sings about people who buy Gucci shirts for $50 (sweetie, go out, Gucci shirts are at least $195)

The music video is pretty hilarious too. He's wearing some tacky fur coats (hi, Peta) a super fab onesey and some super white-nearly-blinding kicks. In less words, the video is everything you want and more. It already has 54 million views on YouTube. It's going to be the next "Gangnam Style" because you can clearly see that's what they're trying to top.

The song is sitting at a cute #2 right now in the Hot 100, it's #1 in the Rap 100, and it's like everywhere. It's sold over 1M copies in the US, over 350K in Australia, so homeboy is making bank! Can't wait for the radio to over play it!

*To be honest, I don't know how Bruno's song is #1, that song is pure shit, it's boring, it's tasteless and it's just stupid, but it's been #1 for 6 weeks, gotta love Amerrca*

The best part about this video is probably this wonderful woman, I want to have her kids. She's fierce, she's a pimp, she gives no fucks and she crushes ya favez.

Destiny's Child Return - Nuclear Review

I still remember the first time I heard a Destiny's Child song. As a kid I was obsessed with Rick Dees' Top 40 countdown, which aired late on a Sunday afternoon in Australia. I would devour every track on my battered cassette walkman - often writing down notes on a scrap of paper so I could order the CD at my local record store. Yes, people. Life really sucked in the days before the internet! But back to the children of destiny. One night Rick introduced a new girlband from Texas and spun "No, No, No". My hands shook as I wrote down their name because I knew I had to get my hands on this magical track - which, in retrospect, is quite an odd reaction for a white boy from the suburbs. It was literally love at first listen.

From that moment the Spice Girls and all other lessor acts ceased to exist in my eyes. Beyoncé, Kelly, LaTavia and LeToya were my badly-dressed queens - even if I often had no idea what they were singing about. For years I thought "Bug A Boo" was about insects! They just sounded like angels to me. I cried when the line-up changed, completely lost my shit when the trio finally toured Australia as part of the Rumba festival and held a massive grudge against Bey for years (I basically ignored her first two solo albums) for leaving the band! So how do you respond to news that an act you loved that much has just released a new song for a random compilation of love songs?

The answer - strangely - is with little interest. To be honest, I expected "Nuclear" to be shit. Beyoncé is about to take over the music world with a $50 million dollar Pepsi deal, Superbowl performance and new album - why would she invest time and creativity into what is obviously a record label obligation? And then the initial reviews came in and they were terrible and I felt relief. I could finally listen to the song with no expectation of it being any good. But then I heard the damn thing and realised that everyone is fucked because "Nuclear" is as gorgeous as it is gloriously produced and innovative.

Co-written by Michelle Williams and produced by Pharrell, the smooth mid-tempo jam transports us back to the '90s with the grace of a freshly fueled DeLorean. "Nuclear" mixes soulful harmonies with warm and fuzzy house beats not heard since the glory days of Massive Attack, Pet Shop Boys and - don't laugh - Black Box. There's even a touch of Madonna circa Erotica. This is the sound that Azealia Banks has spent her entire career trying to tap into with varying degrees of success.

Of course, the track is completely unpalatable to listeners who mistake "We Found Love" for R&B and will, most likely, baffle spectators if the ladies perform it at Superbowl. For me, however, "Nuclear" is an unexpectedly happy ending for my favourite band of all time. Special props to Michelle (AKA the legendary vocalist behind top 40 Hungarian hit "We Break The Dawn") for the gorgeous lyrics. "It's nuclear with you here" is the prettiest chorus I've heard in months.

10/10

Mariah's Triumphant Return To Australia

Over the Summer I was lucky enough to tag along on Mariah's Australian tour. It was a wild ride with a couple of tense moments but it was a brilliant experience that I will always cherish. All of the shows were good but the Sydney concert was absolutely immaculate. Mimi received unfair criticism for what was perceived to be an overly short set but when you have 917 hits you have to be judicious about what you sing and I think she got the mix right. The diva enjoyed herself so much that she's desperate to return and could be heading back this way as soon as September to tour her new album. I'll be there.

Read my review of Mariah's Australian tour.

Ke$ha Drinks From The Furry Cup

Happy New Year! I hope 2013 has been kind to you thus far. A lot has happened in the pop world over the past couple of weeks - and I'll get to all that shit eventually - but I'm still reeling from the stunning revelation that Ke$ha occasionally munches rug. Could she be any more flawless? To celebrate this joyous news, I thought I would post some saucy fan art of music's hottest bisexual as well as her new dyke bar smash "Old Flames Can't Hold A Candle To You". Written by God$ha's mother, the beautiful ballad was a number one country hit for Dolly Parton in 1980 and still slays 33 years later. It's the highlight of Lady Dolla's exquisite Deconstructed EP and further proof that she is the new queen of pop. Stay tuned for my review of "C'Mon" later in the week. Welcome back to Pop Trash!

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE RELEASES COMEBACK SINGLE "SUIT & TIE (FEAT. JAY Z)"

Justin Timberlake has taken his sweet ass motherfucking time with this comeback. It has been 4564 decades since he released "Sexy Back" and my body is ready for some new magic. "Suit & Tie" may not be "SB2.0" but it definitely proves that he gives no fucks.

You see, he asked Timbaland to produce it so you automatically know his fuck-book return is past due. The song is very typical Timbaland, drum, drum, boom.

Now, I'm probably one of the few that are enjoying this song. Maybe because I've been at work all week and need to chill the fuck out, but, "S&T" is really doing it for it. It's completely different than what's on the radio and Timbaland somehow manages to add an instrumental that gives the song an entire new feeling. Yeah, it might be the same beat he's been releasing since 1929, your fave will still never.

The intro for the song is really long and really creepy and really useless though. I'm not here to hear Timbaland's nasty ass, deep ass, creepy ass voice. But once you get past the 45 longest seconds of your life, the masterpiece starts to begin and it's so good! I've missed Justin singing in my ear, he sounds so sweet and so lovely in this. If only he wasn't married, he could be with Britney now and make delicious magic.

*To be quite fucking honest, I'm not here for Jay Z so... listen to the song cuz I skip his part*

Now show them who you call daddy and Buy "Suit & Tie" on iTunes bitches. Give him that #1!!!

Can't fucking wait for this epic music video!

ZIONA RELEASES THE 2013 ANTHEM "INVITED"

The world has been wondering who would be the Rebs Black of 2013, well, I think I found her. Ziona is an epic singer from *the USA, I think, she looks ethnic though so* Well Fiona is a bad ass bitch. She uses autotune like it's her bitch and she gives no fuck. She also likes to lick guy's faces at laundry places and no fucks were given by the new Queen of Pop, Ziona. 

"Invited" is a fun tale about a girl that wants to get in a guy's pants, literally, and he's invited...(in her), and she wants him to eff up that pussy and bust it real good. The autotune usage is just as sexy as the raunchy lyrics. It's like 4055694302 layers of background singers and layers of autotune. It's like a BLT  sandwich of auto tune and backup singers. But you know what? It is flawless. The beat is flawless, the song is flawless, the bitch is flawless, flaws weren't found, call back later. 

This video is just too fucking flawless.

*I got a pretty little paper with your name engraved.

You're invited oh, you're invited, invited, invited oh!"

The whole bit about Miami and Tampa Bay being ready... oh I died.

*real beauty*

CUTE TAYLOR SWIFT SHOWS CLEAVAGE AT THE PCAs / BACK IN THE STUDIO!

The bitch looks so flawless, it's like you're looking at a wax figure of herself. Seriously, no fucking flaws have been or will ever be found. Taylor Swift looked fucking stunning last night, so stunning that you forget she's just broken up with Harry Styles, but then you look at that cleavage and it screams "LOOK AT DIZ! CUZ YOU CAN'T HAVE NONE O' DIIIIIZZZ"

Taylor's boobs are not playing around. They give no fucks that it's January and it's cold as fuck. They give no fucks about the weather. They also give no damn fucks that they're a little on the A cup because they got some tape on them, they got pulled all the way up and they look like cute little pears. I would make a fruit salad and eat them up, tbh. She looked divine. Divine Swift.

Taylor Swift is also back in the studio, writing and producing some hot gems for us. This comes as no surprise as homegurl makes her millies every time she breaks up with someone. 

I for one, can't wait for the Harry love / break up songs. "You're just one direction, and this ain't no..." i don't know, I feel she's gonna have their name somewhere in the fucking song to declare her war on the British heartthrobs. Like, you don't get it. I am so excited for this, much more excited than when I found out she was writing a break-up song about Douche-Meyer. 

Watch out for "Red (Repackage / The Harry Break-Up)" re-release. Another breakup, another millie.

*I nominate that as the album cover*

ONE DIRECTION'S "KISS YOU" MUSIC VIDEO AKA THE STORY OF HARRY AND ZAYN'S ROMANCE!

I think One Direction reads my blog because they decided to give "Kiss You" the green light for their next single. The song is probably their catchiest and most fun to date and I am glad they chose to be as goofy as possible in their music video. After 1,039,495,059,737 previews and teasers, they FINALLY released this epic music video.

This post is solely dedicated to the homosexual* relationship between Mr. Harry and Mr. Zayn, aka, The Hottest Bitches From The UK!

The video starts off with HotZayn riding a motorcycle with the cheapest backdrop known to mankind. It's so cheap that it makes me completely flawless. Harry then out of nowhere comes out and starts hugging my man Zayn and at some point starts playing with his nipple. Just looking at that picture, you know Zayn is a nipple man because he is like "yeah, yeah, squeeze them nipples!" 

Poor Liam, he's like, I'm not getting paid enough to see what Harry is doing back there. That is some serious S&M going on in there and while in a motorcycle? Inventive and salacious! You know one thing I really appreciate is that these lads brushed their tongues. If it's one thing I hate is when people open their mouths wide as fuck and it's all white and crusty, but my boys got some toothbrushes and make their tongues all cute and pink. brownie points.

Harry is an inventive little lad. That position isn't hard to pull off and he is doing it quite lovely if Im' honest with myself. You can tell Zayn is also very pleased and impressed by Harry's acrobatics. What is happening in this video shoot and how much alcohol did they give these kids?

Liam is like "I give up, the fuck is this shit?!?" Oh this video is gonna surpass everything and anything on YouTube.

If that wasn't enough, Mr. Zayn at the very end of the video plants a big one on Harry, leaving the por guy just bashful. Look at Nial, he's like "I'm forever alone!" Louis is probably thinking "shouldn't have agreed to this" and Liam "Make funny faces, ignore the homos to your left" 

In all seriousness though, the video is pretty hilarious and full of fun and cute moments. 

Watch out "Gangnam Style" I think "Kiss You" is gonna take your spot!!!

*There's not really homosexual, they just love nipples and acrobatic positions*

GLAM'S "I LIKE THAT" IS PURE MAGIC! / PERFORM ON INKIGAYO!

This is the first time I listen to GLAM, I had intentionally been neglecting them because of their name, who the fuck names themselves "GLAM"? But I was bored earlier and started to snoop around and found their comeback performance for Inkigayo and I am hooked.

The foursome has a lot of energy and charisma. The leader *girl on the left with pink sweater* gives us some real fierceness while the girl on the far right gives us some real magic. Homegirls are fucking amazing. They get real cute and real crunk, real quick.

This song you'll either love or hate, that's what I've seen online. There's some people that really love the beats and others who think GLAM is wasting their potential on a shitty song. Well, you know what I say? This song is fucking amazing, it's catchy, it's well produced and the vocal arrangement is fucking great. The only thing I would change is that I'd give my fave *girl on the right* more lines but we all know how KPop works. 

The music video is fucking hilarious. The whole theme is that they are on a television, on any channel so the background chances from fun to "horror" In a very themed KPop, these girls have seriously done some justice.

Their comeback stage for Inkigayo was short of amazing. The girls looked happy, bubbly and so ready to tear some weaves. What I love about this performance is that they all seem to be having fun, even when they're not even singing lines, they look so happy and dance their routine so effortlessly. Can your fave?

The girl on the right for president tbh.

DEAR CCM, SOYEON IS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN. MIGHT AS WELL LET QRI LEAD.

 

This is my open letter to CCM, home of T-Ara.

CCM used to get everything right, the right songs, the right about of lines given to each girl, who to put on the spotlight, etc. But ever since they decided to switch leaders and give Soyeon the thrown, shit has gone downhill. You see Soyeon isn't as vocally talented as Hyomin or Eunjung and she's nowhere near as bitchy as Jiyeon and let's not compare her looks to the real Queen of Beauty, Queen Qri.

There has been people in the hospitals, people getting "allegedly" bullied, Hwayoung left the group and their last two songs didn't do as well as they had hoped. Back in 2011, T-ara was going so strong it was unbelievable. "Roly Poly" was selling more than Kimchi; T-Ara was everywhere and look at them now, their popularity has taken a dump and run, their so called comeback for July was postponed to August, which postponed their scheduled comeback for October, which postponed the debut of their newest victim / jailbait / member Danii. 

And I don't even get it to be honest. Soyeon is not the most famous in the group, she can't fucking sing live, she sounds like someone is choking her. Their latest performance was a rehash of "Sexy Love" for the 2012 KBS Festival and she sounded like death. They keep making excuses about her vocals. For "Day by Day" it was her infection or something, for "Sexy Love" it was exhaustion, like, how many excuses can you make? 

The weirdest thing of all is that they were supposed to start changing leaders every comeback. So, technically they should be on their third switch by now but somehow she manages to stay the leader. I don't wanna say too many salty things because CCM is known for suing everyone and their mother, but, whoever she's doing favors for at CCM most really love what she does because, let's be honest, Qri could do a better job.

Qri has been getting better and better with each comeback, she's more vivid, she's more bubbly, she's getting more and more fans by the nano-second and she sounds much better. Maybe it's because she gets one or two spoken lines in the song but she sounds like a true Queen!

Hyomin and Eunjung really did set the bar really high as they are the ones who lead T-Ara to stardom. Give Qri the thrown or give it to anyone else, anyone but Soyeon, please.

WTF is this fuckery!?

SNSD / GIRLS GENERATION SACRIFICES SIX INSTRUMENTALS TO MAKE THEIR COMEBACK SINGLE "I GOT A BOY"

 

I've never been a huge fan of Girls Generation. In fact, I used to really dislike their style until they released "The Boys". My main problem with the Divine Nine is that they are too cute and clean and bubbly. Starting with Gee and ending with Taxi, all of their previous hits have been a little too sugary for me and my Dr. said I should avoid sugar unless I wanna get diabetes. 

When they released "The Boys" I was pleasantly surprised, it was a huge move for them, they ditched the cute look for a more sexy and mature look and sound. So when I saw the video for their comeback single "I Got A Boy" I was not shocked at all, in fact, I could predict their song was gonna be a little more k-hip-hop. What I wasn't expecting was that SM would sacrifice five different instrumentals to make up the final track.

To note, also, it's kind of predictable of SM to release a five-instrumental mash-up when they just released SHINee's "Sherlock (Clue + Note)" But in KPop fashion, it's never a repeat if you do it bigger, better and with cute girls.

The song starts with a really long intro, and I mean, really long but it's hot as fuck. The girl who starts off has the tiniest waist I have ever seen in a woman. Seriously, as I was listening to the song all I could stare at was her tiny as fuck waist, damn, I need to get tips from her. 

Then they decide to skip to beat #2 which is a little bit cuter than the rest but nonetheless flawless. This part has me going though because it starts off with "Let me introduce myself, here comes trouble" Thank you for introducing yourself, but who are you? Because the second half of that line states trouble is coming but you still didn't tell me who you were!!!! This must be answered. Besides the biggest question of 2013, the girls also do their best impersonation of 2NE1, and may I say, maybe because there's nine of them, but shit looks hot as fuck. The styling is very 2NE1 the "oh oh eh" is very 2NE1 and the faux CL rap is flawless.

Don't get too confrotable though because that bit only lasts about 10 seconds until they head of the beat #3 or as I call it CRUNK MODE BITCHES. That bit has more swag than a stadium full of bitches in Gucci. The beat is addicting and the girl with that teal / blonde hair has an open invitation to let me have her babies. She is by far my favorite because she's so tiny but she's so fierce. Let me birth your kids!!!! 

The song then goes back to beat #2 because what's a good KPop song without a lot little of repetition?! Then out of nowhere this bitch goes "Hey yo stop, let me put it another way" and bamn beat #4 is coming at you faster than a cum shot on a straight porn video cassette. This is what I call, ADORABLE DUBSTEP. The beat is phat and the dub steps are harder than a giant on the land of midgets. It's fun and cute but the hook is weak. This is the only flaw in the song, sadly, it's the part where they sing the title of the song. it's just not doing it for me. "I got a boy meecheel" is what that sounds like and that is not what I'm here for. 

The faux CL raps are really doing it for me during this part though and my teal girl switched wigs (because you obviously can't repeat wigs in the same video, who are you?) 

And finally, the fifth and hopefully last instrumental comes in, uninvited, unannounced and ready to shake up your world. This part is really hard to describe but all I see is smiles. Thankfully this is a brief cameo because then it goes back to ADORABLE DUBSTEP. 

Oh wait, I lied, there is a 6th beat. It's this faux-rock breakdown with them wearing some weird ass wigs. Again, you can't repeat wigs like you repeat hooks, take notes bitches.

Now don't get me wrong, I would not spend all this time breaking this beats down one by one if I didn't fucking adore this damn piece of hot mess. This is the riskiest move GG has ever made and for me, it paid off. This is what it did for me

A. Showed me they have some ghetto in there

B. Showed me someone else besides 2NE1 can be "hood" 

C. Showed me the smallest waist I've ever seen

D. Gave me an excuse to stan for GG.

Some GG fans are throwing some major fits over at All KPop and you know what I say to them? Shut the fuck up and enjoy this dysfunctional song because it'll be overplayed in South Korea more than the national anthem during Independence Day and this shit will get carved into your brain so give up now so we can make fun of the ones that are gonna suffer.

Buy "I Got A Boy"!!!

Also, happy new years my bitches!! Thank you for reading my crazy ass blog. You cute bitches be cute!