Christina Milian's Top 31 Australian Club Smash!

Christina Milian teaming up with a pair of low-brow Australian DJs for her latest comeback attempt was one of 2012's biggest WTF moments. The Stafford Brothers are best known in this country for their terrible reality TV show and the "When You Look At Me" diva has been focusing on the R&B market since the early 2000s. It just didn't seem to fit. Throw Lil Wayne into the mix and the project seemed doomed. But someone knew what they were doing. "Hello" (below) is actually a great dance record and debuts at number 31 on the ARIA club chart this week.

Time will tell if Christina's dance experiment turns out to be a crossover hit but it's great to see the former urban-pop icon back on the charts. I bought all three of her albums and still spin classic tracks like "Dip It Low", "AM To PM" and - my personal fave - "Say I" on a regular basis. There's no reason why she can't carve out a decent career. The-Dream's ex-wife has been in limbo since 2006 but she's pretty, can sing and is obviously open to exploring new genres unlike fellow faded R&B stars Ashanti and Ciara. The remixes are actually pretty hot too. I recommend hunting down the LA Riots remix.

Bandz A Make Her Dance = The New Someone Like You

"You say no to ratchet pussy, Juicy J can't!"

Not since Adele turned her heart inside out on "Someone Like You" has one song touched me as deeply as "Bandz A Make Her Dance". An era-defining meeting of minds between thought-giants Juicy J, Lil Wayne and 2 Chainz, the hip-hop crossover smash of 2012 examines gender roles from an unusually vulnerable place of love, honesty and respect. I love how the wordsmiths lay their emotions bare on this piece of modern-day poetry. They discuss the things that really matter - strippers, threesomes and recreational drugs - over the fattest beats captured on record this year. The perfect soundtrack for any night of debauchery is already top 30 in America and will hopefully make its way to Australia by the end of the summer. You know you want to be shouting "two holes on my fuckin' pole!" as much as I do! Watch the suitably classy video below.

Kelly Rowland's Vagina Takes Centre Stage - 'Ice' Video Review

Beyoncé's favourite backing vocalist had an epiphany a while back. Her voice wasn't getting much attention, so she shifted the focus to her vagina. It turned out to be an inspired career move. "Motivation" delayed her seemingly inevitable exile to Ashanti's island of failed R&B singers and she's been working those golden pussy lips ever since. Fair play. I like the vast majority most of Kelly's racy sex anthems - strippers need soothing background music too! - but her reunion with Lil Wayne is just too vulgar. Even for me.

Some of the lyrical highlights of "Ice":

- I leave that pussy smokin' like ice
- Pillow underneath my back, got me up against the window
- He hates it when I use my hands
- The mirror up on the ceiling got things so visual

It's basically the worst Xtube clip of all time set to music. But is the video any good? Unfortunately for Kelly's three remaining Rowl Dogs the answer is no. Sure, there is a really hot guy in it and Tenitra's mentor looks beautiful - particularly when she's rocking that huge Diana Ross wig. Apart from that, it's incredibly boring.

The "Party" video star wins points for revisiting some looks from earlier videos and the choreography is nice but I just don't buy the sex fiend routine. Let's not forget that Kelly is a really bad actress. I mean people clapped when her character was murdered in Freddy Vs Jason. I just wish she could be herself. Which is good enough for me but obviously not for the basic bitches downloading this garbage.

Song: 1/10, Video: 5/10